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The hamster wheel

April 16, 2013

My brain is so confused. It doesn’t know how to deal with all this routine and stillness. Even now, as I look out the window and see laundry hanging on the line over the hammock…my brain is in a rapid pendulum swing between blissful gratitude for a little idyllic window view and pure panic that my life has taken a sharp left toward boring town.

I like change…hmmm…do I? I like new experiences…that typically means something has changed. But perhaps the changing part isn’t really so great for me. Perhaps its the changing that creates silent panic, restless nights, moody mama moments and fear. But it’s the new that blows in like pure oxygen and turn the corners of my worried mouth upward into a smirk that says, “This is gonna be good. Just you wait.”

We’ve been in Houston for just shy of two months. There’s plenty of rubble around as evidence that we are not quite settled in. Walls are still empty while outdated pictures gather dust in the frames on the floor. I don’t think I’ll ever know where my clothes are since I swiftly stuffed them into my closets and drawers weeks ago in a very feeble attempt to unpack. I don’t need things to look perfect. I’m not that kind a girl. But having some semblance of a house I’ve taken the time to get to know and make our home is important to me. It settles my senses at least while inside our little haven to feel safe and peaceful. I supposed that is the hope I have for our home wherever it is…that my family and anyone who enters feels peaceful and safe.

on top of a brain filled with moving mush, it seems I’ve been subjecting myself to way to much fodder, as well. TV, radio, books, magazines, blogs, you name it and I have soaked it in lately. This is what happens when you haven’t made friends in your city! My head is dizzy with thoughts and opinions, causes, tragedies, threats, injustices, logos, banners, slogans, symbols. I am waving the white flag. I surrender.  It’s all too much. I’m shutting down my think tank for awhile.  I’m going to take a moment here…call me shallow…to rest in a few very simply thoughts: I am loved. So are you. We’re all in this together.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Kate.nierengarten@gmail.com permalink
    April 17, 2013 11:52 am

    Well said, amber. We’ve been in our new home for 8 months now and I have to admit I feel the same way you do. I always appreciate your honest posts. You’re right- you are loved.

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